The right solution isn't black or white
The this-or-that fallacy is what's keeping you trapped
This or that.
“Do this, not that.”
“If you choose this, then you can't have that.”
“This works better than that.”
...but this is not as simple as that.
If this was the case, then why isn't everyone doing the same thing and achieving that same level of success?
Just because it was right for others, it doesn't mean it's right for you.
Just because it was wrong for others, it doesn't mean it's wrong for you.
The solution isn't only black or white.
Yes, there are shades of grey in between.
And what you're not seeing is that you also have a whole spectrum of colors you can play with as well.
The basic reds, greens, blues...
The blends of purples, yellows, oranges, pinks...
The shades of ambers, magentas, lavenders, teals...
The nuances of chartreuse, eggshell, cerulean...
You have a whole box full of wonderous crayons to play with to create your desired business, relationship, lifestyle, or whatever you want.
In other words, you can create your own approach.
In reality, you have to.
Use what others have shared as a reference, but put together what feels right to you and discard what doesn't.
What they share isn’t the full picture.
Most marketing and sales tactics reduce things down to this limited set of options because this makes it easier to sell to you.
...but you are not limited to those choices.
Most marketing and sales tactics simplify the whole process, because that makes it less daunting for you to get started.
...but you're not starting on the same playing field because you have your own set of circumstances, tendencies, and perspectives.
I have fallen prey to this black-and-white mental trap.
That is why I've accumulated so much shelf help.
I have a large physical shelf of books.
I have an enormous digital "shelf" of files.
I have paid numerous coaches and experts to tell me what to do.
So how am I still "figuring out" this “right thing” to do to achieve that success I keep seeing others flaunt?
I kept searching externally, hoping "this is what will make the difference".
That just got me burned out.
The constant bombardment of "you're failing because you're not doing THIS" was stressing me out.
I am freaking trying, but all THAT "you're not doing enough" was bloody exhausting and draining.
So, not having “enough” knowledge isn’t the issue. (A simple Google search gives you endless answers.)
It's determining what works for YOU.
When you’re overcopying others…
Looking at how others were coloring their paper and copying what they're doing can only get you so far.
That means you have to keep looking at their stuff before you can create.
That means you're just turning yourself into a copy of them.
That means without them... would you know what to do next on your own?
When you outsource your thinking and decision-making capacities to others, you diminish your own empowerment as you turn them into your savior or codependent crutch.
Because only you can save yourself.
If you fail, it's not their life and consequences to bear.
It's yours.
My pivotal realizations
Crappitty crap crap, there's no one else to blame.
This is my own doing.
I let my excuses run wild. I believed in their this-or-that thinking.
I didn't believe in myself enough. I kept thinking they had the answers.
I didn't trust my inner guidance. I valued theirs over my own.
Here I am. I plopped down on the floor, surrounded by this massive mess of things I've tried.
I collected more crayons, paints, and pencils than I'll ever need.
All my experimentation led to this…
Success isn't daily emails or once a week. There are people who did well with 2-3 times a week, once every 2 weeks, or even once a month.
Success isn't doing weekly calls with clients or running group coaching programs. There are people who only coach via text or never created any community around their content.
Success isn't having a podcast or doing video content. There are prolific writers and discreet solopreneurs who have never shown their faces to their clients or audience.
Success isn't always about number of followers or how much money you make per month. Chasing those will never feel enough as there are people with tons of it and still not happy or satisfied.
Success isn't only following the trends or being the rebellious "I’m so cool. I do the opposite". There are people who don't bother to play those games.
Your strategy to success is combining the colors you enjoy and creating whatever it is you want on your own life canvas.
You define your own success parameters.
You design your own path.
Success, money, freedom, and happiness are all results of when you are aligned with what feels right to you and what you enjoy most.
It's not about this or that.
It's about yours.
Here’s my mid-year status update:
I reviewed my life and business vision, extensively. I jotted down notes and reflections. I renewed and modified my goals for the rest of the year.
I unsubscribed and unfollowed voices that were stressing me out. I am being more selective about who I listen to and who influences me.
I'm choosing to believe that I have enough info already. I bowed out of 2 of the 3 coaching programs and communities I was in.
Screw FOMO and the "shoulds". I'm refocusing on my "less but better" motto by eliminating projects and deferring certain goals.
I'm valuing my inner wisdom more and making business decisions that align with my heart. I'm taking the time daily to listen to that inner voice within me through meditating, journaling, or walking.
...and it's damn terrifying. I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of making the wrong decisions.
...and it's freaking liberating at the same time. I feel free to trust my own choices. I feel free to create that business and lifestyle that fits me, regardless of what others do, think, say, or believe.
No more soul draining frustrations.
No more chasing, leading to burnout.
I’m doing this for me, so I can fuel my soul and serve from a full cup.
USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS
What are some course corrections you’ve taken to help complete your goals this year? What were specific learnings from those that you can keep in mind for the future?
P.S. If you’re tired of being told what the “right” way is, tap the 🤍 to tell me you’re on this journey as well. Share or restack this post to give others a helpful nudge forward and the permission to do it their way, too.
Yup I agree with you.
The time has come to go for what feels right.
But I will add, within moments of clicking publish and heading downstairs I nip back to my computer to change something.
Will that ever stop I wonder?
Wonderful insights and validation to stop the copy-cat & FOMO. Many years into my own journey, I too am tired of being told the woulds and should that I later come to find out are people just faking it to make it. I believe we are all being asked to step up, be authentically ourselves and put that expression out into the world. The letting go, the long walks, silent evenings sitting under the stars or listening to the waves crash - they cut through the noise, so I can/we can hear our heart and soul speaking.