Changing the way you see “no”

Each rejection is a blessing, and their reasons have nothing to do with you.

Original image by Vie Studio via pexels. Modified by Author.

Rejection!

Oomph, doesn’t that sometimes feel like a modern-day life or death scenario?

Your fight or flight responses get activated.

Or you might even preemptively avoid it because you don’t want to deal with all the different scenarios playing out in your head.

Why does hearing the word “no” often create such a gut wrenching reaction or even something we avoid?

Instead of being upfront with someone, we come out with the roundabout “no” answers.

“Maybe, I’ll think about it” = no

Saying a lackluster “yah, totally” or pacifying “sure, that sounds good” but never following up on it = no

Detouring the conversation to avoid giving an answer = no

And we’ve ALL heard of the term “ghosting” when it comes to dating = noooope, and I don’t want to tell you directly, and we also experience this with leads or potential clients who do the same.

“While we have absolutely no control over the actions of others, we do have total and complete control over how we react. What if we decided to make each no we received and every rejection we encountered something that empowers us? Instead of avoiding rejection, what if we made the decision to seek rejection? Instead of avoiding no or perhaps simply tolerating it, what if we went out of our way to actually go for no!”

―Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz
Authors of “Go for No! Yes is the Destination, No is How You Get There”

Seeing rejection differently

Exactly like that quote mentioned, what if we normalized rejection as a part of the process and didn’t take it so personally?

When we get rejected or hear the word “no” in all its creative forms, we create stories in our heads about what that means about us or what we’ve done.

All the self criticism and self judgement can typically fall under these two categories:

“They don’t like me.” or “I wasn’t enough.”

But NONE of these are facts, they’re merely an opinion, a certain perception, and merely one possibility.

You don’t know the other person’s true reasons.

Oftentimes when people say “no”, it’s mostly about them and their own reasons.

Ok, sure. They might project it onto you as an excuse, but underneath their reason is merely “this isn’t the right fit for me.” (See, it’s still about them.)

Sometimes, they’re not even fully sure of why they said “no” outside of the feeling of “no, I don’t want this.”

Show up differently towards rejections

So what if we didn't see being ourselves as “not enough”?

Being able to show up completely as yourself is EMPOWERING.

Putting yourself out there takes COURAGE.

Not giving a shit about what others think is LIFE CHANGING.

Rejection nowadays is far from a life and death scenario, but somehow our lizard brains are still interpreting it as so.

And that’s the thing, it doesn’t have to be.

You can retrain your mind to see it differently.

Change that “no” from an “Omg, this is the end of the world” dramatic reaction to a neutral and mundane “Ok, that happened. Moving on. Next!”

Instead of hiding and playing small to avoid rejection or judgment, what if you showed up exactly as you are regardless of what others think, do, say, or believe?

Keep showing up as you and sharing what you’re doing, because you’re looking for the right people to say “yes” to you.

Getting no’s is just a part of the process, regardless of why they said “no.”

“No” is empowering

Think of the times that you’ve said “no” to other people. Why did you say “no” to them?

It’s because you were choosing yourself, stating a preference, and prioritizing something else instead.

Saying “no” empowers you because it is your choice. And that is YOUR right.

Let’s respect each other’s “no”.

“No” means “Yes” to something else

If that person said “no,” great! Now you can now find someone else who would say “yes” to you instead.

You’re not wasting your time and effort on someone who’s wishy washy nor fully invested.

This should be liberating!

“No” releases you from dead weight.

“No” as temporal

“No” doesn’t mean “never”.

It could just be a “not yet” because it might just be bad timing right now.

So don’t give up, and you can just ask again later.

“No” is just feedback

You can respond with a “Why not?” and learn from it.

Don’t assume why they said “no.” There’s no harm in asking additional follow up questions.

That extra step allows you to learn why and take it as feedback—maybe there was just a miscommunication, maybe it’s bad timing, or maybe they don’t see the value in what you’re asking.

Then YOU have the power to decide how to react and move on.

So the next time you hear “no”, treat it as if someone said “thingamabob” (or whatever random word you can think of).

It’s just a label.

You don’t have to give it any additional meaning to it or even take it personally.

Choose to see “no” from a positive point of view and determine what you could learn from it.

USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS

What have you successfully done in the past to help you cope with rejection? How can you use that to reduce your fears and concerns the next time you’re scared to get rejected?

P.S. Tap the 🧡 if this helped you see rejection in a new light or take it less personally. Share or restack this if you believe more entrepreneurs deserve to stop fearing “no” and start trusting themselves again.