I tried to play the numbers game... and it played me instead

When growth goals backfire and why chasing numbers wasn’t worth it

Original image by Anna Tarazevich via pexels. Modified by Author.

Breaking points are far from being fun, but they are incredibly beneficial. They force us to pause, reflect, and confront what isn’t working.

…and that’s why I prefer to doing that process more proactively through regular intentional reflections, rather than being forced into it situationally.

But because of my 3 major setbacks, I didn’t have the mental and emotional space and capacity to be more strategically reflective. Plus, I had gurus who had convinced me theirs was the best way to the success they’ve flaunted.

Honestly, this breaking point had to happen to shake me out of that “trance” and stop me from what I was doing. None of that was sustainable, and it felt like abusive self-harm. Sadly, its PTSD-like effects are still haunting me:

Forcing success on social media broke my spirit

Btw, I’m not using those terms lightly or exaggerating to make a point. Things got really bad for me this year. That breaking point still limits my capacity to engage and leaves me recoiling from certain content, especially the transactional, salesy vibes of online spaces.

So even though I want to engage more on Notes, read other people’s Posts, and explore new Substacks, I… just… can’t… at this moment.

What’s holding me together is my continual belief in my vision of creating meaningful interactions with likeminded individuals here and creating a community around the Soulfueled way of being… but I need to be in a better overall state before I can properly reengage socially again.

This wasn’t always so…

What began as a fun and creative way to share and connect fizzled into a soul draining cycle of comparison, pressure, and inauthenticity. That joy devolved further under the weight of expectations, endless “you-have-to’s,” and the constant chase of strategies designed to feed the algorithm, rather than align with my values.

That has still been weighing on me…

Finally, I stepped back and questioned everything!

The problem wasn’t social media itself—it was the expectations and conditions I had placed on how I used it. By modeling others, I had turned it into a transactional tool for validation and performance. I thought I built some genuine connections, but most withered away and one even horribly backfired. I realized I wasn’t building my vision of success. I was chasing someone else’s.

Plus, I’ve spent years soaking up advice, but now my soul is saying, “Stop consuming. You’ve gathered plenty. It’s time to create.”

So right now, I’m channeling my limited energy into sharing the stories and lessons that have been quietly accumulating within me.

Stepping back from engagement goes against what the gurus tout, but letting go of all those shoulds and must-dos is what I need to do right now.

Sure, I might not grow as fast… but being more Soulfueled and building genuine connections are more important to me. I don’t want to be handcuffed to vanity numbers anymore.

Changing my goalsetting metrics

I had initially set goals to grow to 200 subscribers by the end of the year, but now I see that kind of goalsetting metrics isn’t healthy for me. It triggers my obsessive workaholic tendencies. Plus, I wasn’t factoring in my state of condition and mind either.

Sure, it’s a clear, measurable metric but that also has an underlying sentiment that subscribers are just numbers and means to an end.

I don’t want the number itself. I want what that number brings and means to me!

For me, it signifies that I am building a community of likeminded people who also desire a Soulfueled business and way of life. You are actual people behind these numbers and emails, and that means something to me.

I’ve always been about quality over quantity, so why am I putting a “quantity” as a way and goal to define my success? Yes, I understand its usage and importance, but it’s about what will motivate me in the right, sustainable way, which are the intentions, how I feel, and being aligned with my soul.

I’m sharing all this to get you to think about: What truly motivates you? What are your own definition of success and the measurable metrics that feel right to you? Just because what others do works for them or is what has been touted as effective, that doesn’t mean that has to be your same method, too.

Customization is your most powerful leverage

You’re already doing something challenging by choosing to be an entrepreneur, but that’s also a powerful leverage to take advantage of.

Because you’re the one in charge, you have the ability and choice to do and set things up in a way that works better and more in alignment with you—your personality, your values, your work ethic, and your particular intentions and goals.

Remember, if you’re not the one choosing, you’re letting someone else choose for you.

So choose intentionally and tweak when needed.

P.S. I’m hosting a 2025 intentions + goals planning session on Jan 2. If you’re interested in joining us to start off 2025 Soulfueled and Strong, become one of my paid subscribers, and I’ll extend you an invite to workshops typically offered to my clients only.

USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you start planning your goals for the new year, take a moment to challenge your existing thinking and ways of doing things. What can you tweak that can motivate you better and build more sustainable habits?