Avoidance... the silent dream killer

and an insightful sidekick, too?

Original image by Dih Andréa via pexels. Modified by Author.

Have you ever put off something because you were scared to face or deal with it?

You’re willing to do anything… but THAT THING.

This has been plaguing me quite a bit recently.

Partially it’s because I feel overstretched, stressed, and burned out.
But a big chunk of it is that I started questioning myself and what I’m doing.

Those seeds of doubt led to procrastination

In my mind, I kept thinking of how dreadful or unmotivating it felt to do that thing.

I’d sit down to work on it, but minutes later, my mind squirrels to something else.

Suddenly, my mind became such a great helper by coming up with all these other tasks I now feel like doing at this very moment… just to help me procrastinate.

Not to mention, unhelpful worst case scenarios would parade through my mind as well.

All this continual mental and emotional build up likens doing that task to climbing Mount Everest.

I have two choices… keep avoiding it or just suck it up and tackle it.

I’d either then realize, “Oh, doing that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” or I’d keep carrying that miserable “this sucks” or “this isn’t working” energy into the task then I find excuses to stop.

I had to put an end to this

“What is more important?”

Getting it done or my excuses and stories for why I don’t want to do it?

Then I’d follow up with, “Why am I not following through with my commitments?”

I had to remind myself that no matter what that task is…

It’s the mental and emotional energy I inject into the experience that either increases or decreases my chances of completion or success.

Continually “thinking about it” doesn’t take me closer to completion.

Needing to figure out the “perfect” strategy is just a delay tactic.

“I’m busy with other stuff” is another excuse.

Because if I thought it was important (or enjoyable) enough, I’d just do it.

Everyone has the same amount of time in the day.

The only difference between me and the person who already has what I want is that…They did something about it.
They prioritized its importance.
They wanted it bad enough.

Sure, there could be some elements of luck in it.

But they also kept putting themselves in those situations where luck would more easily find them as well.

I had to get radically honest with myself

“Have I been showing up for myself?”
…and it sucks to answer myself with a “no”.

However, I started to make this distinction lately by asking this particular set of questions to find out what’s really puppeteering my fears and avoidance:

• Am I setting realistic timeframes to get these tasks done?
  …aka “Am I trying to do too many things simultaneously?”

• Am I setting ridiculously high expectations and exerting undue pressure on myself to achieve these goals?
  …aka “Is it necessary to push myself this hard?”

• Is this really what I want to do? Does this still align with my vision?
  …aka “Am I unconsciously chasing someone else’s goals instead?”

• Am I still honoring myself in this process?
  …aka “Am I trying to act like someone else?”

What I learned from answering these follow up questions is much more insightful and actionable than that simple, guilt-ridden “no.”

My avoidance is trying to tell me something.

Because something is inherently off.

It is my responsibility to find out what and why

Not doing so doesn’t help me resolve my underlying problems.

Pushing ahead and forcing my way through things doesn’t help in the long run.

From those insights, I discovered what I needed to change for my overall wellbeing and make sure I didn’t veer too far off course either.

These little intuitive nudges can be easily overlooked or bypassed.

But when you take the time to listen to their subtle cues and take action, you’ll find that's exactly the answer you need at that moment.

USEFUL JOURNAL PROMPTS

Think of a previous situation where your avoidance ended up becoming a positive experience for you. What could you learn from that experience to help you battle avoidance in the future?

P.S. If this helped you understand your own avoidance a little better, tap the 💜 to let me know. Share or restack this to show others that they’re not alone in this either.